The road of suffering in my heart has been long. Many times we don't know why God allows things to happen that bring us so much pain. I know many times I have questioned God. I think, "I am your servant". I love you with all my heart and yet you allow me to suffer. I heard a sermon recently in which the pastor said- We don't always know why God takes us down the road of suffering but it is always for God's glory. Part of me rebels against that statement and I say to myself "yah right". However, in my life God has always made that a true statement. When my heart is broken and bleeding and all I can feel is the pain and anguish-I feel like King David in the scriptures, I want to tear my clothes and weep. I cry to God for help to remove the suffering from me. Many times He is silent. I think to myself ,"why is God silent". I want to be angry. Each time over the years when the Lord has put me through these trials, I note that he is chipping away at that stubborn,cynical part of me. I begin to see my soul turn to him quicker and lean on him harder. I know he allows these trials to happen to refine my human shell. I want to share the "Via Delarosa" that Christ has taken me on this last year and share my Joy in what he has brought from these ashes. Last January, our family hosted two girls from Haiti that had heart surgery. It was a joy and they were a blessing. I became very attached to the little 5 year old. I bonded with her deeply. At the time, my husband didn't feel ready to bring on more children to our family and we had to let her go to another family. I went through three months of crying and pain because I felt as if I lost a child. It was horrible pain. This Easter Sunday we went to visit our old church to see the little girl and her family and get back to some normalacy of life. We are sitting in church and the father of the family tells us that they have decided that adoption of this little one is not God's plan for them and they have decided to help her find a new family. I began to weep right there. You can imagine. So to make a long story short- My husband realized his feeling and need to protect her little heart from more pain. God opened the doors and we have a new daughter named Christelle. This will be her home forever and we will be her family forever. God has made that so clear and strong in our hearts. Please pray for her adjustment- it has been a confusing journey for her and it will take time for her to re-bond. We are not in a rush. We have all the time in the world!!! This is my prayer back to the Lord this morning after reading Ps. 31." You answered when I cried; bent low and heard my whispered plea. You have had mercy in my anguish and cleared the red from my weeping eyes. You have rescued me and kept your promise. You have turned my sorrow into Joy!!! Thank you Lord." Remember God can turn your ashes into beauty- no matter what they are!!!!
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