Can I drink this Cup?

This last week ,I was drawn back to the book that I have probably read 10 times in the last 10 years. It is a quick read written by Henri J.M. Nouwen. He is an amazing man that speaks to me. This last week, I was the donkey in this picture. I was feeling the burdens in my cart. It had overwhelmed and overloaded me. I was like the donkey and I was in panic. If I closed my eyes right now and put myself in the donkey's place ,I can imagine his feelings. Feeling of fear, worry , terror, horror and he was probably having thoughts like " Where's my help?" " Why did this happen?"
The burdens in my basket were heavy( daughter rushed to ER, another daughter needing a third heart surgery, neice with severe emotional problems that I am homeschooling ,broken washer, stolen car being fixed and still not returned, issues at church in my volunteer position. The list could go on;however ,you get the picture. I had to pull Henri Nouwen off the shelf and ask myself " Can I drink this Cup?"
In the scripture, Jesus asked his friends James, John and the sons of Zebedee, " Can you drink the cup that I am going to drink?".
" Can we hold our life, lift our life, and drink it, as Jesus did?"

Henri Nouwen says in his book:
" Holding the cup of life means looking critically at what we are living. This requires great courage, because when we start lookng, we might be terrified by what we see. Questions may arise that we don't know how to answer. Doubts may come up about things we thought we were sure about. Fear may emerge from unexpected places. "

I am reminded again and again of the Cup that Christ took for us and I know that my trials and fears and concerns will never compare. We must remember that God is our Rock, He is the one who knows all. My answers is "yes" God , I can hold this Cup and yes I will hold it with Joy. As Nouwen says, " what causes us sadness can become the fertile ground for gladness". We must realize that " The cup of life is not only a cup of sorrow but also a cup of joy. When we realize this is when we are able to drink it."
Donkeys are stubborn and stupid and I am a donkey many times in my life! I need to stop looking at the ground but start looking at the heavens and My Lord.
This week I can look back and thank the Lord that Peace has settled in( the one that passes all understanding) and my feet are firmly planted on the Rock of my Salvation. My house is not built on sand but rock and I will stand firm!

Working Out

I have went totally "commando" on my Body. It is time! I found 4 gray hairs, my arms wave goodbye to friends and I was posted on face book in a photo in which a double chin was displayed. Oh no, oh no! I am not going to go here anymore. I have a dear friend who has had 7 children( gave birth to all of them). She looks amazing. She is probably a size 6-7 maybe smaller and looks great. I notice that she has found the secret to success and that is consistency. It certainly has paid off for her and I know that I can do this. So I met with a personal fitness trainer. I am in my second week of working out. It feels great to be sweating and lifting. I am already starting to see some changes and muscles that I haven't seen in years. Being 36 and doing this is alot different than in my teens. It used to be a piece of cake to go out and run a 6:30 min. mile. Tonight, I was dripping in sweat( worried about the guy in on the treadmill next to me that he was getting drenched)from trying my best to maintain a 9 min pace. My personal goals I am going to post so that I remind myself of how much I want this:
1. Run a Marathon this next year ( full 26 miles) at a 8:30 pace
2. Lose 30 pounds
3. Lose the arm flaps and handles
4. Be able to feel confident this next year in the swimming pool.

So I am committed to 10 weeks of exercise and hopefully a habit forms for my future.

Managing your Homeschool

I just finished an amazing book called "Manager of her Home". It is a book written by a mom that had 12 children and home schooled them all. She shares tips on how to schedule your children throughout the day to maximize time and get all things accomplished. I have implemented her system and I am amazed what I am accomplishing every day. I wake at 5am( I know, insane). Get my run and Bible Study in and then, I start with the first child's homeschooling at 6am. Everyone is scheduled at hour or 1/2 hours intervals throughout the day. We are intense till noon and then things relax and 7Th grade and up are off to two hours of private school classes to help supplement home school curriculum. I was a little worried how I was going to manage. Not only do I have my eight children but I also have 4 additional children that I have taken on the responsibility of schooling.
All in all , I can say that it has been a blast. We are having so much fun. The kids are having fun also. The science experiments and discussions take on a whole new life with a group of kids discussing. I am schooling a Junior, Sophomore, Freshmen, 8Th grader, Three 7Th graders, 4Th grader, 2nd grader and then I have the 3 year old and the 1 year old. I am worried that it is to good to be true but I also know that God is probably giving me a ton of grace through all of this. I officially have a buzzing school room and I love it! My new career as teacher is well suited to me.

One Month Down

So I have survived a month,as a stay at home mom. I think ,I am making the 1950's mother come back to life. To my horror these last few weeks , when my husband got home for dinner,I had a dress on and was smiling " Hello Honey" With the kids all ready to sit down for dinner, house cleaned and all that. What has happened to my pride?I also find myself looking over cookbooks throughout the week looking for recipes to cook. Amazing! A true transformation to domestic-ville. Next thing you know, people will be calling me June Cleaver( for those of you that can still get that reference).
So here is what I have learned so far about this whole stay at home gig:
1. Yes, making homemade bread can be done and you don't have to be a nature girl to do it.
2. Cooking dinner can actually be fun
3. It is important to find time for yourself and talk to other adults, occasionally.
4. Hanging your clothes on a line outside to dry is not all that it's cracked up to be( the clothes get really scratchy.
5. Homemade pizza is actually really good and is a new family dinner hit.
6. Laughing at yourself is always the best medicine
7. Sewing is not a skill I think I want to pick up.
8. I rediscovered that I loved to read
9. I fall in bed at night having worked twice as hard than I ever did as a working mom but feel much better and less guilty about being tired.
10. I can be much more relaxed in this process.

The "stay at home mom gig" is not easy. The mom's of the 50's didn't get enough credit.
It is not a cake walk to have a dress on, house clean and a smile on the face when hubby walks in the door. It's hard-work. I have a new found respect for my mother and mother-in-law who were both stay at home mom's they had it hard and didn't blink an eye and I don't recall either of them complaining!!!! Your amazing, ladies! Which one of these are you? I definately am the one on the end in the white dress. Got to have my shades and I like to be relaxed and different in life.

A new road traveled

Wow, I can't sleep. I am so excited. I go into work tomorrow at 9am and it will be my last day of working outside of the home. A whole chapter of my life is closing and I am so excited to begin this new chapter. I have been in the work force for the last 20years. Crazy- how fast time goes. I became a mother 15 years ago and it has been a struggle to try and juggle all the roles of life. A working mother is constantly juggling her life to meet the roles that she plays. It is a delicate balancing act and many a day the balls fall and she has to run picking them back up. My energy has been split between my family and my work for so long. My husband has had to pitch in at home so many ways. Don't get me wrong. He would not have it any other way. But I have a feeling that he will go into total shock when my energy is all put into managing a home.
In 1800's ,women wrote entire books on how to properly manage a home. Our society has forgotten the art of homemaking. I know this sounds so 1950's but I can't wait to explore this life. So what makes a great homemaker. Breakfast on the table every morning, homemade cookies when the kids get home from school?
So my checklist for this week is :
Organize the kitchen and pantry- Reading book on Organizing " Organize your life" by Ronnie Eisenberg.
Research living on a budget and cost cutting tips.
Read the book Managing your home.
Finish copying recipes from the Betty Crocker's Money Saving Meals recipe book( great Pictures.)
I was cleaning out the "catch all" room in the basement and I came across all these long forgotten sewing projects that I had purchased and never finished. My 9 year old says" Mom why do you have all this stuff" I say to her- " I have always wanted to learn to sew ". She says, " why don't you just give it away, you never use it". I say to her " Well now that I am going to be home all the time, I am going to have time to do this stuff". She smiles and says to me, " your going to be a real mom now aren't you. One of those mom'a that knits and stuff like that". I laughed. I wasn't sure if I should cry or laugh. But yes, my answer to her is "Yes", I am going to be a real mom now! Whatever that means. Kids see the world so differently.
So the adventure begins..........

Fourth of July Party

Lot of fun with family and friends. We swam our hearts out and then ended the night with smores and fire crackers!

Alabama Fun with our friends!

Our summer fun started off with a trip to Orange Beach, Alabama. We just missed the oil coming in the gulf. It was an relaxing week with good friends, relaxation and beach. I miss the beach so much. Growing up in California as a child. I developed a strong love for the sound of the waves. As a little baby and toddler, I spent most of my afternoon with my mom relaxing on the beach. The waves relax me and bring me so much peace.
We enjoyed awesome fellowship with our friends and it was so good to catch up and so awesome to talk and laugh. We also enjoyed all the fun Alabama phrases and things. Boiled peanuts and the Mullet Wrapper. Khloe broke her arm in the elevator. She decided she needed to ride the elevator without supervision and didn't understand the importance of pulling your arm in. She kept insisting that the alligator broke her arm. She can't pronounce elevator. All in All in was a ton of fun!